I love the idea of a black patent leather loafer setting off my slim ankles and drawing approving attention to my adorable argyle socks. Alas, when I tried these Bates shoes, I I felt my sexual orientation change. My pedicured little hoofies were transformed into the powerful feet of a a presidential candidate - a Ukrainian ambassador - a Wall Street tycoon. These shoes render me vulnerable to the siren call of Lesbianism. I will return them. And with haste. There’s a cake in the oven, dinner on the stove. And my Jack always comes home to me hungry..